Helen died Monday morning, 01/03/2022, at home, age 60, far too young. She had metastatic liver cancer, was hospitalized for GI bleeds in May and August, and had been mostly in bed at home for the past 6 months, with hospice checkups for the last 8 weeks.
She preferred to be very private on her health issues. Apologies to everyone for not communicating her status better, especially these last few months.
Helen and her parents, Boris and Irina, left Soviet Moscow as Jewish refugees in 1977, immigrating to NY when she was 16. Later they moved to Boston and then NH where she raised Aya. She never did finish high school, but got BS, MS (Chemistry), PhD (EE), and Dr degrees (Neurology with a epilepsy subspecialty) from Boston, Princeton, Dartmouth and Mayo, where I found her.
I struggle to find words to describe Helen. She was caring, curious, beautiful, playful, opinionated, brilliant, humble, willful, creative, multi-lingual (6 languages!), messy, funny. And loved.
Aya has a much better remembrance:
“Mom had the biggest heart in the world – she put everyone before herself. I always looked up to her for her intelligence, natural spirit, and humor. She dedicated her life to medicine and never got the appreciation she deserved. She bent herself backwards for her patients. I felt her love so hard and I loved her right back. She was my number one, she was the closest person I had and she was enough. I just wish she loved herself more. Mom drove me crazy with all her opinions, but as I got older I thought they were hilarious. I miss her weird outfits, her sweet talking voice, her awkward singing voice and her smile. I miss going places with her and seeing her eyes when she eats something tasty. Or when she makes fun of some fancy lady in Russian. Or when she almost always added penises to stuffed animals. I only wish I had more time with her. Mom was good at so many things, she could have been an amazing architect, professor or a lawyer. She loved to argue her point with passion and humor. She loved cooking the weirdest food. Also how she took restaurant menus and marked them up for her future recipes. She loved starting dramas online because she enjoyed the conflict and she had a fascination with trump, not because she agreed with his values, but because he looked like a Russian clown. She also took incredibly complex notes that only she could read and would add pictures of mystical characters around her scribbles. She was a top scorer in the MCATS and was passionate about mentoring medical school candidates and was a huge spokesperson for the diversification of medicine. She loved animals, wanted a horse and a parrot, and sphinx – but knew that poor bruce would end up having to manage all of them because she believed in letting animals roam free. She loved feeding her fish and fermenting foods, she had a passion for reading books, biking, hiking, swimming, and she was secretly an amazing skier. In these last years she grew a love for expensive and lavish designer Jewelry and bags, she felt that there is no reason to deprive oneself of luxury- she said once to me in Russian – “living is about the now, be fancy and be proud. She had so much empathy for everyone around her, she forgot to love herself the way she deserved. She believed in me more than I ever believed in myself. She was a fearless powerhouse of a woman. If you are reading this I know she did something for you too. It was her way. I would never ever in life replace my mom with anyone else’s mom, she was my also my friend. She was always the first person I would call with good news or bad news. I hope people know how lucky they are to have met her. She will always be in my heart.”
I cherish the wonderful 16 years we shared. Many adventures as we moved from MN to NY, NH, UT, and AL. She was photo shy, but I collected a few that I got her approval to share. Here are a couple of them:
She did not want a funeral. Her ashes will join Irina and Boris at a special place in our backyard paradise.
I am sad and drained but will be ok. No need to do or send anything on our behalf, feel free to remember Helen however you wish.
If you would like to share remembrances, you can post to comment section at the bottom of this page.
If you want to send something privately, you can email me at brucewinter@gmail.com .
Love to all,
Bruce & Aya
———–
A couple additions. I was looking for a short video clip that had Helen in it, so we could remember her unique and wonderful voice. I couldn’t find any with her in the video as well, but I did find one of her narrating me cutting down a tree. I extracted the audio here.
Aya had a few more lovely remembrances to share:
I was just thinking about some funny things about mom that may make you smile:
Whenever she looked in the mirror she sucked in her cheeks and made a partial duck face to accentuate her cheek bones – she didn’t know she did it – it was a mirror reflex.
When mom ate food on a plate – she would poke it around before she ate it, she would just touch it with her fork multiple times, and then put a tiny bit in her mouth. It used to drive me crazy.
If there was something she liked to eat, she would always try making it herself from scratch, whether it was oat milk or biscuits. Her sushi was the most popular but she tried putting raisins and bacon in one and that’s where I had to stop.
Mom and I worked out together briefly (which I regret, I wish we did it more often) – when we worked out her favorite thing was what she called “the step up step down” where she used the stepper and stepped up and lifted her arms up while I played some rhythmic music. I was still living in Los Angeles and we did it on google meets.
Mom showed me how to pick the right mushrooms.
All through my childhood we had a brain mold and she would make a jello brain for Halloween, except the jello tasted quite strange. I have no idea how she made it and what that flavor came from.
When mom came to visit me in college – when I was in Providence RI – I took her salsa dancing and she was killing it on the dance floor with a Portuguese businessman. He had a gray ponytail. I didn’t know she could manage the 3 step.
Mom taught me the lyrics to some Russian songs on our walk together. We used to sing them while walking up the ridiculously steep hill to our house in Hanover.
I didn’t smoke weed in high school partially because it didn’t feel like rebellion- mom always said, if you want to smoke, smoke with me not your friends. I kind of wish I took her up on it back then.
She used to finish my drawings – she would make them ten times cooler – I didn’t want to admit it to her though and got very upset but was silently very impressed. She tried to do the same thing with my high school essays / I asked her to edit them, she would rewrite entire paragraphs and we would fight, back then there was no auto save, so I had to rewrite her rewrites. I don’t know if I learned anything through this method.
Mom helped me ace chemistry after she taught me a formula method she learned in Russia. It helped me so much- I wish I had more time with her so she could teach me more.
Like a total weirdo, I stuck a rock up my nose in 1st grade / my mom came and picked me up because I thought I was going to die. She never judged me or made fun of me for this. Well…much later.
She delightfully told my boyfriend and everyone in the room that she breastfed me for too long. Her sense of private information was a little strange and now I don’t care.
When I applied to jobs and got a rejection she would always say “fuck them”
When she encountered clothing or shoes she liked, she almost always bought two.
She loved reading the fashion section of the New York Times and kept up with new designers and once in a while I saw her in one of those super designery skirts with a plaid shirt. She always tried to give me her clothing but we didn’t agree on outfits at all. For her the more colors the better, the more patterns the better.
She had all this fancy makeup and after I gave her a whole tutorial on how to use it, she would still do it in one dip and use her index finger to run it across her cheek. She never used a mirror to apply makeup.
All through my childhood when mom and I would went to the supermarket she would pick up bags of fruit and chips and would finish all of them before we even got the the register.
She hated it when strangers would ask her where she was from, she would quickly say “I’m American” and then I would apologize and tell the person that her accent is Russian. I love her accent, but she never believed that she had one.
To remove stress mom used to swim long distances – I remember when we lived by the lake I saw mom get home from the hospital (1 hour drive) and she would jump in the lake and take 5-7 loops around the island.
Mom loved to make fun of me for not knowing where the liver is.
When we were lying on the beach in LA – she called me her “beautiful fat girl” Then she jumped into the water and a huge dolphin swam by her and she didn’t flinch.
She was so happy when I came to Birmingham she used to buy me these really ugly cut flowers from the grocery store, but I loved them, she was so sweet when she gave them to me and I couldn’t figure out what to do with them to make them look good. I never told her.
When I moved to Birmingham she bought half the bakery, brought beers, champagne, flowers – she was so happy – it broke my heart. That was a year and a half ago.
May her memory be a blessing.
Thank you – I know you supported her through some difficult times. I remember you being around since I was little and means a lot that you post here and speak of her.
אמן
I will always remember Helen as a matriarchal figure, a gifted leader, a mentor, a humanitarian and a genius. The world needs more of Helen and I feel blessed to have known her and will do my best to impart lessons she taught me to improve the world. It is terribly unfair to have lost her at such a young age and I send many hugs and healing thoughts to Bruce and her beloved daughter during this incredibly painful time.
Bru and Aya, there are no words. I’m heartbroken so many beautiful memories and thoughts. For now, I send you love. It is hard to see through the tears.
She was kind, funny, smart, interesting, caring, and so much more. She made me feel like a part of the family and make the best latkes I’ve ever had (with greek yogurt and raisins). She was an amazing cook too; I’ll only eat beets made by Helen. I’ll remember her with fondness every time I see those finger puppet monsters she gave the kids. There aren’t enough words to express this loss, and I’m grateful to have had her in my life. She will be sorely missed. <3
Thank you Chloe, I’m so happy she made you feel like that and I appreciate your kind words. She loved cooking for you guys and ever since I got so picky she didn’t have as many people to cook for, I know making stuff was her highlight at family get togethers.
My thoughts now are with Bruce and Aya… It’s a terrible loss for all of us. We will remember Helen – smart, kind, funny, interesting, beautiful, stylish, hospitable, cordial – till the end of our days.
Helen has influenced me in more ways that I can think of, and so she will remain a part of me.
Thank you ❤️
With love. One of the brightest people on the Earth .
ברוך דיין האמת… I lost a wonderful friend whom I never met in the “real life”. Passionate, talented, infinitely emphatic. תנצב”ה
…”If you are reading this I know she did something for you too.”…
so true…
My condolences, Bruce and Aya
she will be missed by so many people…
Yuri (stumari @ LJ)
Helen has found a kindred spirit in me online at first, and I will remember her wit, eloquence, hospitality, kindness, elegance with warmth and gratitude . My condolences to Bruce and Aya,
Aya, Bruce – our thought are with you, sending as much love and strength as can go through the air. Helen was, is very special and she always will be. She reached straight to one’s heart with her warm care, smarts, saucy humor and all these words and trinkets of hers. My family loves her dearly. I remember how she introduced Aya to us, and suddenly my daughter had that older cousin friend, and how she tried to dress me up with all her warm jackets (will keep that little vest with silly puffy shoulders forever). She came into our lives like a wind, and left in a similar way. May we meet some place on the milky way, some day.
Thank you Ina ❤️ I loved crashing with you, your mom, and daughter in NYC and mom loved you so much.
My condolences to all the family. She was such a bright and deep person. Heart breaks from such a loss. Many people will miss her. I will miss her. Sorely miss.
Dear Bruce,
My deepest condolences.
Dear Bruse en Aya,
My deepest condolences,
She was beautiful.
Светлая память!
It is hard to believe she is gone. Though I hadn’t seen her for quite a few years she was a big part of my life when she lived in Hanover. I remember the first day I met her…we were both new to the community and registering our sons at the Ray School. Her Russian accent, her warmth and conversation were so familiar to me as the first generation of a Polish mother and growing up in NY where many of my friends were also first generation. I knew we would be friends…and our sons became close friends as well. Our children were always between our houses and the wonderful and unusual dinners at Helen’s…her dad putting everything in aspic…are warm memories. I am glad she had you Bruce. Aya I feel so sad for you too. She was a force in life and will not be soon forgotten.
Thank you Pix, it means so much for me that you wrote about your memories with her. I didn’t actually know how you met, so I’m just happy to hear about it. ❤️
Helen was a wonderful person. She loved people and cared about them so much. I am happy I had a possibility to meet her, both online and in person. I will miss her.
My condolences…
My deepest condolences. We met briefly in Boulder years ago, and we were Livejournal friends for many years. She was exasperating at times but her warm and generous personality shone through. I asked her for advice concerning my own medical issue in September, and I had no idea she was so sick – she called me right away and was very helpful. May her memory be a blessing.
Helen was such a bright and inspiring person. I didn’t see her often, but she was in my life and the life of my family for a long time, and she was loved and appreciated. She had many great qualities, but personally I especially admired her generosity, her spirit, and the vibe of energy and creativity she always had around her. I will always remember her warmly.
My condolences, Bruce and Aya.
Helen was an amazing person.
I never got to meet her in real life, although we kept talking about doing that, and I only talked with her on the phone once (and she did help as if we were live-long friends). But I have known her online for years. Sometimes arguing, mostly agreeing, but it was always passionate and intellectually stimulating.
She was a pleasure to be around (virtually though it was), and it was an honor to be called a friend by her.
R.I.P., Lena.
Sam (“yury”).
So many things about Helen are larger than life: her many talents, her verve, her kindness and generosity, her brilliant mind, her charisma. I have been impressed by her and have loved her since we first met in Boston in early 1980’s, and simply cannot use the past tense thinking and writing about her… It is wonderful to see her young, gorgeous and happy in the pictures that Bruce and Aya have posted! This is how she will always stay with me and many others who loved and admired her.
I know it is pointless to refuse to believe that something bad and irreversible just happened.
…. but some times it is almost impossible to believe …
Thank you for saying that. I feel the same.
My deepest condolences. We never met in real life but I have always been impressed with her absolutely unique personality.
My condolences, Bruce and Aya. She was really bright person.
It was too soon to lose Helen. She was my mentor and friend during fellowship and beyond. She had a quiet brilliance to those who worked with her. I will miss her generosity, her hospitality, her good humor, and her spirit most of all.
Thank you Angela for saying that. It means so much to me that my mom made such a difference. Your message made me cry in a happy way.
RIP
I knew Helen only briefly – but it was clear that she was a remarkably devoted, talented and passionate neurologist… a huge loss to the neurology community (patients and colleagues alike) .
I don’t think Brannon or I ever left Helen & Bruce’s home without a gift or trying a new and exotic food we hadn’t before .. I still remember the 100 year egg. She will be missed!!
Helen was an incredible person with an incredible heart and mind. I feel honored to have had her teach me while at UAB. Bruce, you and she were so wonderfully hospitable. I don’t think we ever left your house after a delicious dinner party without her sending us home with multiple gifts. Those gifts mean even more to me now. I’m so sad but thankful to have known her.
Words fall short of expressing my sorrow. Helen had such a profound impact on everyone who knew her that she will live on forever in our hearts. My deepest condolences.
My deep condolences, Bruce and Aya. Yes, Helen did something special for me also, though I never met her personally. It’s a huge loss for all of us. Weeping with you.
I hope her writings will not be lost.
I can’t believe in Lenochka’s death. Until the last moment I hoped for a miracle. It’s a terrible loss for all of us. Aichka wrote: “If you are reading this, I know that she also did something for you,” – Helen did everything for us. She welcomed us, new frightened immigrants from Russia, hugged us, took us into her family and completely enveloped us with her love, care, generocity, kindness, humor and creativity. She gave us unforgettable summers on the lake, where, literally and figuratively, my kids grew up with Aichka and Noah. She gave us the New Year’s Eves with ice skating and wonders in every corner of her hospitable home. Helen became my brilliant sister and loving aunt to my daughters. We did not have to explain anything to each other: both are the only daughters in loving and caring families, both grew up in the double reality of the USSR and the Soviet high school, even lived for some time across the street in Moscow. Helen has been our inspiration on all matters, literature, education, work, medicine and food. She wrote me a (then non-English speaking) text in English for my first interview. Being a genius doctor, she encouraged our youngest daughter Sophia to fall in love with medicine. One can continue this list endlessly. Lenochka supported, inspired and influenced us as many others in many possible ways and she will remain to live in us.
Our thoughts and love are with Aichka and Bruce in this unbearable time.
Боже мой, как это ужасно, я очень нежно к ней относилась и восхищалась ею. Глубокие соболезнования!
My deepest condolences for your loss.
She was a bright person and helped so many people. I am forever grateful for her help to my friend at the darkest times of his life.
My deepest condolences!
Светлая память Леночке!
Rest in peace, Lena. We love you and will remember you always.
Bruce, Aya, please accept our deepest condolences…
My deepest condolences, Bruce and Aya. I still cannot comprehend it. She has touched so many people around the world, she was so bright and brave and brilliant. One of the best people I have met online and wished we would meet in real life some time… My heart goes to you, she was speaking about you with so much love, so sorry for your loss.
My deepest condolences.
I loved Helen as a virtual friend for so many years.
RIP Lena…
My deep condolences.
My deep condolences to your family.
Lena Za”l was an incredible person with beautiful soul and brilliant mind. I will miss her dearly
Bruce, I am sorry to hear the awful news. Helen was a joy. Thinking of you.
Dear Bruce, you don‘t know me, but i believe i know you, because Molly wrote so many lovely things about you in lj. I left lj for a long time, so i didn‘t have contact to Helen for years, we‘ve just met once in Berlin and it was wonderful. I can‘t believe it. I admired and loved her very much. I wrote her couple of weeks ago in messenger, but she didn‘t answer… I am terribly sorry. My condolences to all of you. Mascha (for her i was Greta Pinder)
Words are too poor to describe her vivid personality, tact, quick mind and strong values. She was genuine in everything. She was really diverse and tolerated any odd viewpoints including mine unless they collided with her values.
I believe that we are moved behind the line to meet our relatives but she was taken from us far too early and so young.
Missing you a lot my dear friend and crying but pleased that your life was so exceptional.
RIP
Please accept my condolences. Helen was my long-time LiveJournal friend. She helped me once when I was struggling, but we had a disagreement on one issue. I was thinking about writing to her to clarify things, but then she got sick. I was under impression that she is recovering (based on what she is saying) and I waited to write to her when she’ll get better. But she did not. I’m very sorry for your loss.
I appreciate everyone who wrote about mom. It helps so much to hear about other experiences and memories that I never knew about, I want to hear everyone’s memories of her. I missed seeing her throughout my childhood because she was mostly in medical school. I was always so excited to spend time with her. I’m seeing now that she had two lives: online and in-person. It seems she was an influencer, instigator, mentor, warrior, and a writer online – to those who haven’t met her in-person – she was really kind and sweet – I know virtually she might seem aggressive and opinionated- but when you were with her in person all she wanted to do was feed you and nurture you. She was always an advocate for her friends with a vigor so strong. But I’m happy that she found this online community – even though she spent the bulk of her life in America/ there was always a void, she was always searching for a different type of conversation and interaction – she felt appreciation and respect – she loved writing and instigating conversations. I used to hate how much time she spent writing on live journal – but she needed to extend past Birmingham, AL – she had an international soul.
Thank you Aya, for sharing your memories of Helen. Thanks for the audio you shared with us. If you have more recordings of Helen’s voice please share those with us, too. Wishing you strength and comfort through this difficult time.
Tears come so much easier than words, please excuse my weird English.
I first came across Helen’s LJ through friends – she definitely had a gift of word, her short stories were very special, and her Russian was like no one else’s, with both fluency of a native tongue and very detailed precision of an English speaker’s second language. It was many years later when she read in my LJ that Pavel, my late friend’s son, had a severe form of childhood epilepsy – she wrote me a private message offering help, as it was her speciality. Epileptology is virtually non-existent here in Russia, so her offer was priceless. She did her best to help us, consulting us via Skype and using all her connections trying to find a neurologist here in our country who could actually work with our boy’s prescription schedule and consider the use of vagal nerve stimulator for him – alas it proved there was no one here who could do this.
In 2021, when Paul got covid and was to be taken away to intensive therapy, she talked to us and it was her wise and kind words that kept us within the borders of sanity and gave us energy to pray and hope and survive these painful weeks of him staying in artificial coma. Helen was not religious in the least but she too prayed the universe to let him survive. He actually came back alive from the intensive, smiling at hearing us, it was a few days later in hospice that his heart failed.
Helen was the first to PM me “please, don’t go too”, and she literally talked me out of all this, I know I would not survive it without her. I did not know she already knew her own fatal diagnosis then…
She had a most beautiful, charming voice, a healing voice, so ethereal and transparent, I know everyone who was blessed to hear it will miss it, ever.
Max, thank you for sharing that story l, your words touched me so much. I can tell you understood mom and cared for her. If you ever want to talk about her please email me or call.
I worked with Helen briefly at the U. She was fun to be around and very smart. Our group was small but loyal and she was a leader to us all. Sorry for your loss.
She was smart and bright!
it’s a pity
Blessed is her memory
My deepest condolences, Bruce and Aya.
Our deep condolences to you and all your family. She was an amazing person and did so many good things for a lot of different people without telling much about it. May her memory be blessed
May the Almighty comfort you at this sorrowful time. Molly was a precious person, and the memories will be with us and give us strenghth. With heartfelt condolences, Alex 🕯
I’ve never met Helen in real life, but I knew her for years as part of the online community on the Livejournal platform. I can say with great certainty that she was one of the most sincere and loyal people I have had the privilege of knowing. She felt very strongly about every injustice and sadness she encountered, and she was always ready to dedicate time and energy to addressing it.
Every time I asked Helen for advice, she offered it with great generosity, care, and intelligence. I remember her reading a draft of my online dating profile, years and years ago, and giving funny and reassuring feedback. The one time that we spoke on the phone, last fall, was to give me detailed instructions, to pass on to a friend of mine who was applying to medical school. I was bowled over by the fact that she had suggested this phone call and seemed so invested in doing her best to ensure a stranger’s professional success. She had a lovely voice: kind, lilting, and very comforting.
I wish I had known that Helen would leave us so soon. I had no idea she was ill, and I was hoping very hard, when she disappeared from Livejournal, that she was just taking time away from the Internet. This is devastating. The world is a little darker without Helen in it. I am so, so sorry for your loss.
Rest in peace Mollichka. We’ll miss you
I was just thinking about some funny things about mom that may make you smile:
Whenever she looked in the mirror she sucked in her cheeks and made a partial duck face to accentuate her cheek bones – she didn’t know she did it – it was a mirror reflex.
When mom ate food on a plate – she would poke it around before she ate it, she would just touch it with her fork multiple times, and then put a tiny bit in her mouth. It used to drive me crazy.
If there was something she liked to eat, she would always try making it herself from scratch, whether it was oat milk or biscuits. Her sushi was the most popular but she tried putting raisins and bacon in one and that’s where I had to stop.
Mom and I worked out together briefly (which I regret, I wish we did it more often) – when we worked out her favorite thing was what she called “the step up step down” where she used the stepper and stepped up and lifted her arms up while I played some rhythmic music. I was still living in Los Angeles and we did it on google meets.
Mom showed me how to pick the right mushrooms.
All through my childhood we had a brain mold and she would make a jello brain for Halloween, except the jello tasted quite strange. I have no idea how she made it and what that flavor came from.
When mom came to visit me in college – when I was in Providence RI – I took her salsa dancing and she was killing it on the dance floor with a Portuguese businessman. He had a gray ponytail. I didn’t know she could manage the 3 step.
Mom taught me the lyrics to some Russian songs on our walk together. We used to sing them while walking up the ridiculously steep hill to our house in Hanover.
I didn’t smoke weed in high school partially because it didn’t feel like rebellion- mom always said, if you want to smoke, smoke with me not your friends. I kind of wish I took her up on it back then.
She used to finish my drawings – she would make them ten times cooler – I didn’t want to admit it to her though and got very upset but was silently very impressed. She tried to do the same thing with my high school essays / I asked her to edit them, she would rewrite entire paragraphs and we would fight, back then there was no auto save, so I had to rewrite her rewrites. I don’t know if I learned anything through this method.
Mom helped me ace chemistry after she taught me a formula method she learned in Russia. It helped me so much- I wish I had more time with her so she could teach me more.
Like a total weirdo, I stuck a rock up my nose in 1st grade / my mom came and picked me up because I thought I was going to die. She never judged me or made fun of me for this. Well…much later.
She delightfully told my boyfriend and everyone in the room that she breastfed me for too long. Her sense of private information was a little strange and now I don’t care.
When I applied to jobs and got a rejection she would always say “fuck them”
When she encountered clothing or shoes she liked, she almost always bought two.
She loved reading the fashion section of the New York Times and kept up with new designers and once in a while I saw her in one of those super designery skirts with a plaid shirt. She always tried to give me her clothing but we didn’t agree on outfits at all. For her the more colors the better, the more patterns the better.
She had all this fancy makeup and after I gave her a whole tutorial on how to use it, she would still do it in one dip and use her index finger to run it across her cheek. She never used a mirror to apply makeup.
All through my childhood when mom and I would went to the supermarket she would pick up bags of fruit and chips and would finish all of them before we even got the the register.
She hated it when strangers would ask her where she was from, she would quickly say “I’m American” and then I would apologize and tell the person that her accent is Russian. I love her accent, but she never believed that she had one.
To remove stress mom used to swim long distances – I remember when we lived by the lake I saw mom get home from the hospital (1 hour drive) and she would jump in the lake and take 5-7 loops around the island.
Mom loved to make fun of me for not knowing where the liver is.
When we were lying on the beach in LA – she called me her “beautiful fat girl” Then she jumped into the water and a huge dolphin swam by her and she didn’t flinch.
She was so happy when I came to Birmingham she used to buy me these really ugly cut flowers from the grocery store, but I loved them, she was so sweet when she gave them to me and I couldn’t figure out what to do with them to make them look good. I never told her.
When I moved to Birmingham she bought half the bakery, brought beers, champagne, flowers – she was so happy – it broke my heart. That was a year and a half ago.
Aya,
Thank you for sharing memories about your wonderful mom.
She was a very bright and yes, very opinionated person and that was exactly what all her LJ friends liked her for.
My deepest condolences to you and all your family.
Ayechka, thank you for writing this! I am thinking about your mom and you almost non-stop…
Aya, thanks so much for sharing this! Your remembrances mean a lot to many of us who knew your mom mostly online. Please keep writing whenever you feel like this.
Thank you Aya, for sharing your memories of Helen. Thanks for the audio you shared with us. If you have more recordings of Helen’s voice please share those with us, too. Wishing you strength and comfort through this difficult time.
She was so obviously brilliant, honest, passionate, and kind. I admired her and loved her, without ever meeting her in real life. I learned so much from her, from the stories she told, her thoughts on things, experiences she had, opinions she was never too shy to share. It is hard to believe we will not hear from her again. I imagine I will keep asking myself “what would she say about this? about that?” She lived to the fullest, such a bright and amazing person, so many people around here were touched by her. I missed a chance to meet her in person, I always thought I will later, but there is no “later” now. I will miss her terribly. My deepest condolences to you Aya, to Bruce, to everyone who loved her.
She really did live life to the fullest and taught me to do the same. I miss her so much- it’s so good to read about your memories.
My deepest condolences to all the family. Helen was a very bright person always fighting for truth and justice in the LiveJournal community. She made a lot of friends and enemies a well. She was a staunch proponent of medical ethics and never hesitated to call names when some doctors posted private patient’s data online. We all will miss our Molly.
Thank you and Aya for sharing with us all these wonderful pictures.
Rest in peace dear Helen.
I did not know Helen in person, only her sincere and sparkling online personality. She absolutely made an impact in my life; I even saved some posts from her disappearing LiveJournal and shared with my wife. She was a messenger from God, an angel, and she is back where she came from after finishing her mission. She and her message will be remembered.
Well said Dmitriy, she was a messenger.
My deepest condolences
Dear Bruce,
I am so,so very sorry that you have such a loss.Honestly,I experienced a real shock,when I found out that Helen is gone. Hard to even comprehend that. She was my fiend.Only online..but I hoped some day to meet her.
This past year was terrible to me too: I lost my dear cousin Sophia( 75 years old, cancer), and my best friend of half a century(died in Massachusettes,at 67 years of age..asthma.)
My heart still bleeds..
Take care of yourself,Bruce. And take care of your family.May Helen rest in peace.
Alex Hamilton,
Southern California.
P.S.IF you’ll feel to call me and(or) write me,feel free to do so:
(805)89-0864
aveytskin@gmail.com
Alex Hamilton,Southern California
Bruce,I apologize for my typos.
my phone number is:
805-889-0864
Alex
She was a beautiful human being. My deepest condolences. RIP. Светлая память!
Dear Bruce and Aya,
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and memories about Helen (who will always remain for us livejournal friends as Molly, Mollichka). I am missing her so badly – just imagine how you do.
I have a rather bizarre question to you…
I have a collection of little owl figures, and I’ve been posting pictures of them from time to time. Once Molly (so unexpectedly for me!) wrote that she loved looking at my owls, it was calming and entertaining for her. One day (not that I asked for it!) she bought a small owl and asked me for my postal address. I was foolish enough not to give it. I said I was hoping one day she would come to Israel and bring it to me in person. OK, she said… What did I know then? I couldn’t have guessed that she already knew that she wouldn’t reach us 🙁
This little owl should now be in yours house. I really want to have it in Israel, in the memory of Molly. If you see it, please keep it for me. Tell me it’s here, and I’ll find a way to get it from America to Israel.
Thank you so much. Natalie
I’m very saddened by this news. I met Molly online reading comments on Malka Lorenz’ livejournal. First, I found her opinionated and rude. She created a lot of haters and faught with them regularly. I couldn’t believe that a doctor could use such words (трехэтажный мат). I thought only sailors knew this type of cursing. But I kept reading her messages. One day I realized she had a witty mind and a golden heart and some of her posts were great. Sometimes she was a spiritual teacher, sometimes very humorous. I joined Molly’s livejournal and was following her stories. Forgive me for calling her Molly, but until today I didn’t know that her name was Helen.
I’m very sorry for your loss.
I have enjoyed seeing the many angles of Helen through the blog! Although I only got to know her these past few years, I shall remember her as a devoted daughter, mother, wife, friend, doctor and lover of creatures great and small. A life that was too short, but well-lived, well-loved and simply unforgettable.
I am absolutely shocked and saddened by Helen’s ( Lena’s ) death. I knew Helen since I was 9 years old, we then lived in Moscow, attended the same school and were neighbours. We often talked and laughed for hours ( Helen’s wit showed very early) when we met after school for what the Russians call a walk ( погулять) — Lena visited me and I have been to her place often. I rememeber it so clearly, two small rooms, the cat Yasha, tasty toasted bread from a real toaster ( a spectacular luxury in the 70’s USSR) , Lena’s Mom who often scolded us for not starting with our homework early enough.
Last time I saw Lena was summer 1998, I was invited to the house on the lake, met Aya and Noah. Helen and I also traveled to Hanover, Boston and Harvard and it was a wonderful time.
Having to realize that Helen passed away is very painful. I will always remember Lena and her parents with warmest affection in my heart. Ira from Vienna
Привет, Брюс!
Соболезную вашей потере.
Спасибо вам, Брюс и Айя, что поделились воспоминаниями о Хелен.
Она открывается мне с совсем новых, неожиданных сторон.
Её образ становится ещё более привлекательным и симпатичным.
Мне жаль, что она так тяжело провела последний год жизни.
Я надеюсь, что она сейчас слышит наши добрые слова и мысли о ней.
С уважением и сочувствием – Геннадий Винтер – Добрушин.
Hello Bruce!
Condolences to your loss.
Thank you Bruce and Aya for sharing your memories of Helen.
It opens up to me from completely new, unexpected sides.
Her image becomes even more attractive and pretty.
I’m sorry she had such a hard time in the last year of her life.
I hope she now hears our kind words and thoughts about her.
With respect and sympathy – Gennady Winter – Dobrushin.
держись брат
We just learned of the passing of this one of a kind, amazing woman. She not only saved our son, she saved us. We were always, ALWAYS, happy to see her, and my son loved her. Our hearts are broken the world has lost such an amazing person.
We are praying for her family.
Dear Bruce and Aya,
I am still totally devastated with her premature departure. We were friends in Livejounal only and not very long, but it was deep mutual sympathy and respect from first moment. She supported me when my husband received his terminal cancer diagnosis and later passed away. So I can image very well what all of you went through. I feel the void every day. She was brilliant, vibrant and passionate person, and never will be forgotten. Rest in peace, my dear, dear friend Molly, Helen, Lena
Thank you very much for sharing those fantastic photos of her
My deepest condolences
Helen was my best friend. I adored her and (I was lucky) she adored me. I visited her dorm room often (she had 6 roommates; I had a single), past the living area blaring Supertramp, and would then be served tea with raspberry jam and stories and remembrances and pronouncements (like that what I needed was to rule a small country). I was invited into her rich and textured world – it contained recited verses from Pasternak and other Russian poets (she had entire books memorized), scarves with ethnic ingredients flowing out of an overstuffed cascade of drawers, a tapestry hung over her bed, teas and jams and other eats in jars,..Helen taught me a new relationship to material objects, a level of appreciation I had never encountered before, a depth of endearment that made the objects like people. Her world was alive and teeming, and she bequeathed me some of that love and magic.
Our relationship had long gaps when we didn’t communicate with each other, but when we reconnected we always picked up where we left off. There was never any awkwardness or explanation needed – our love for each other was deep and enduring.
One high point was when I visited her at her lake house in the NorthEast. Our tots played and Helen introduced me to a new set of wonders – meat balls cooked by Boris, 3-dimensional doodles that she would casually fashion out of clay – when I marveled at them she would explain to me with great conviction why she could never be a real artist (a very specious Russian line of reasoning that remains mysterious to me), the town circus (it was like a trip back to Middle Ages with commentary and the usual rich observations and inclusions by Helen), beach walks, etc.
Another time she visited me in Stanford, CA. Her observations about my circle of friends, running partners, family life, activities added color and depth to my world. Hers was an extraordinary mix of being real, having the strangest and strongest biases, and infusing art into everything – she informed me that I should only surround myself with good people, she felt I earned my stability and station in life, and so on. I experienced each of her observations as a kind of blessing – whether it was accurate or not, it made life richer.
In the year before she died I spoke to her almost daily. I was going through the roughest transition of my life and she was the person in my circle who was in my camp no matter what. Not good for checks and balances, but oh my goodness, what a salve, what a godsend. She didn’t let on about what she was going through very much. I had hopes that after stopping working she would dedicate herself to reaching a new level of health. This was not to be.
I’m heartbroken. There’s one in the world like Helen. And she’s gone. I will never see her or talk to her again. This is beyond belief.
I didn’t know Helen that much. Only through Aya and her apparences in the sketchpoetic group. She was always wearing huge sunglasses that covered the majority of her face. One time, she didn’t, and but big kind eyes were revealed.
I am grateful for this memorial page that showed me more of her and her kindness. This page together with the comments made a wonderful online version of a Shiva.
May her soul will be joined in the fabric of life.
תנצב”ה
Bruce and Aya,
My deepest condolences.
Lily – This is not the place for this comment- I am in mourning for mother- she wasn’t perfect and yes, she had her problems – please don’t disrespect me here. I love her and miss her every day, I have no one left who is this close to me – Please leave these comments to live journal or don’t. This is a memorial page for my mom.
This blog page is the only page I have where I can see other peoples memories and think about her and remember her positively. This is ONLY a positive space for the memory of my mom who I love so much, despite her imperfection! Let the negative memories go.
I keep coming back to this page because I keep remembering her and miss her wit and honesty. She was amazing, and is missed.
Thank you – I really want moms memory to live on,
Just out of the blue I did a search for Helen on Google and feel upon this tragic news. I haven’t seen her in over 20 years, but have only fond memories of her. She always made me feel welcome in her family setting. I remember I had to go back to Montreal and had no idea how to get back on the high to head back north. She said ” no worries, it’s easy – just follow me” I have never seen someone drive so quickly. It was in the middle of winter and the inside of my car was super cold. yet I have never sweated so much in my life.
Rest in peace Helen.
Shahe
This was so very sad to hear. I worked with Dr Barkin at SUNY Upstate Hospital in Syracuse NY. I cannot say enough great things about her. I will always remember her sense of humor and her wonderful ability to teach and mentor us. RIP🥰
Bruce and Aya, hello! I know Helen from livejournal and I remember her-mischievous and unpredictable, sharp and gentle, a wonderful mother and attentive wife. thank you for this memory page. I hug you and wish you happiness.
with respect to you Svetlana
A brilliant colleague funny crazy a one in a million person … drove me crazy made me laugh and always was one of the most interesting people I ever knew… scary smart and so kind …I am crying as I am writing this
I worked with Helen when I lived in Utah. She was incredibly intelligent and amazingly compassionate. Seeing her lively spirit juxtaposed with the bureaucratic and listless nature of academic healthcare was at times comical. She pushed for improvement and innovation, while others remained in their comfort zones. I will miss her. I’m sorry for your loss.
Dr. Barkan took care of my son at the University of Utah. She was the first Dr. he had that actually listened to us. She said, “ONE more seizure was one too many!” She gave me her cell phone and told me to call it until she answered. And when I had to use it-she answered every time. I will never forget that. She really helped us through a dark time in our lives. I’m so sorry for your loss.